vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
