Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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