is your mom at the bar?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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