She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think a kid would responsible me up
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
