hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
