It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
