If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
