normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
