The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
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I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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