theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
