Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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