so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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