things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
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she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
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So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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