I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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