so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
