god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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