yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
