Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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