do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
