thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish life had little blips of pornography
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
