Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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