I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This baby is an asshole
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
