Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found puke in my bra..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
