Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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