Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
