Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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