Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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