Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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