i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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