Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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