Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
