we have pet lesbian snakes
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
