1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
