totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
