Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and she was petting her beer can
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
