Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
