take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
