At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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