i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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