life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
