people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
