Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
