Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize