Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
