DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
