I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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