There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
