I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it's like iHOP with fire
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
