PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize