nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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