I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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