Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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