mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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