sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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