we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
