i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
