he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
