Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
