I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
