His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
