i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
