Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
