Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
