if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
