Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
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No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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