I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
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I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
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Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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