she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
