college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize