bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize