Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
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It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
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he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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