Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
