I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
