I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
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my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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