Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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