it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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