So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You were trust falling into bushes
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
