i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
