I'm lost and stupid without you.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
