Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize