Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
